Communication Gap

Posted on April 6, 2012 at: 10:52 am  -  Comments

As a mother it takes time to get to know the child you just brought into the world. When they are born, the only way they know how to speak to you is by a cry. Their cry could mean anything really. They could be telling you they are hungry, tired, want a new diaper, or that they are hurt. As they become older, we start to decipher their cries to learn what they mean. Soon after, they learn to communicate with us, whether it’s through words or through signs.

I started teaching Harlan sign language at a young age. At just two months old I would sign to her during our nursing sessions teaching her what the sign for “milk” was. She said her first word at eight months and was signing to me by ten months. By 17 months she was speaking complete sentences.

Now, at two and a half years old, we can have complete conversations about anything her heart desires. It’s so amazing to listen to her stories of what happens to her in school that day, or to hear her sing one of her favorite songs. Although we could talk for hours to one another, I’ve noticed lately that she isn’t fully able to tell me everything.

When we brought Avery home I knew there was going to be some transition with all of us. We grew from a family of three to one of four. I had to get used to having a newborn at home and sharing my time with two little girls, MacKay had to get used to newborn life for the first time (he was gone when Harlan was in this stage,) and Harlan had to get used to having a sister in the house as well as not having our attention all the time.

Harlan reacted really well to having her sister home and you could watch her fall in love day after day with Avery. As the days and weeks have now turned into a month, Harlan has started to realize that she’s not getting as much of me as she did before. As much as I want to be able to spend all this time with her, it’s physically impossible for me to do that because Avery is very dependent on me right now.

This little girl who was always so joyful is now starting to show a little bit more of a feisty side to her. Tantrums are much more rampant in our household. She’s had a lot more accidents in her pants and is much less willing to do what is asked of her than ever before.

This could just be a coming of age thing. She is two and a half years old and we’ve all heard of the terrible twos. Or is it more than that? Is she reacting to the changes going on at home and this is her way of crying out for attention?

For the first time in a long time, I don’t understand what she is trying to tell me.

We’ve gone out, just the two of us, in my attempt to show her she still matters.

But is that enough? Is that what she really wants?

Through this communication “gap,” it’s made me realize that there is so much more to motherhood that I still need to learn. My daughter is evolving, and although she can talk to me about her latest Disney Princess obsession, she’s unable to “tell” me everything. As we both get through this stage, the one thing I can tell her, and what matters most is how much I love her.

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This post was written by Lauren


  1. wendy @ mama one to three
    Twitter: mamaonetothree

    it’s probably both, Lauren. She’s at an age where her thoughts are moving quicker than she can communicate– and she’s got a new baby at home! The transition with siblings (in my experience) is not over in the first week–it goes on for months really. Molly hit the worst of it when the twins were about 3 months and she realized they weren’t leaving! And then it got better again…
    I am finding the toddler years super challenging. It does get easier around four though! I thought molly was horrendous at two and three; she’s much more reasonable now. And now Ellie and Henry are at that awful place of crying, screaming, hitting, crying, cuddling, screaming… It’s exhausting and I don’t have an infant at home! xoxo

  2. Anna says:

    i think it takes a while for an older to adjust to a younger, but it always gets there with time. i used to have “the baby” give her older sister a present from time to time. my daughter was also around two at the time and never requested the logic of a non-talking 2-month-old picking out a toy for her at the store. anyway, it helped w sibling relations 🙂

  3. Jenn {Mommie Couture}
    Twitter: mommiecouture

    I think you are such a great mom! I’m sure it’s an adjustment for any “older” sibling but once her little sis isn’t demanding as much of your time I think she’ll come around. 🙂

  4. Crystal says:

    Well for me your still such a great man! I am sure a lot of people can definitely salute you for being the best mom to your kids…

  5. Born27 says:

    Communication with your daughter is a need. It’s the start of closure. It makes her vocal to you in everything and not hiding something. She should be comfortable with you at times. You need to talk every single day. It strengthens the relationship and the love.

  6. Pam at Triple Threat Mommy
    Twitter: triplethreatmom

    There will always be transitioning with two little ones, especially in the very beginning. I have a feeling that the tantrums and pant wetting are definitely because she has a new little sister. The good thing is that these transitions always pass with time. You all will do fine. Promise. 🙂